The Naruto diaries! Intrigue, mystery and ramen
by Ultraviolet Lemur
Summary: The secret diaries of the naruto people! What are they really thinking? Find out! Youth, sharingan, ramen! Come one, come all, and come quick before they get me for swiping their diaries!
1. Naruto

Hello hello! I am back again, this time with holds for fanfare, hears only crickets chirping instead Hmph. Well fine. I'm bringing to you undeserving people who can't even bother to give me a few trumpet notes, the secret diaries of the Naruto characters, stolen at great risk from their various hiding places! Yes, I am risking life and limb to bring you entertainment and joy! holds for applause, hears crickets again Stupid crickets! You think you're better than me?! I'll show you to chirp at me! Umm, I mean, uh, just read the stupid things already. Yeah.

The diary of Naruto

Hey! I'm Naruto Uzumaki! Believe it! (0o he even writes this in his diary) So, apparently the team leaders have decided they all want us to keep a journal to monitor our thoughts or something. Huh, I think Kakashi just wants something else to distract us so he can read those weird books of his. Sop anyway, I'm gonna be the next hokage, and then everyone will acknowledge my existence! Yeah! Well, everyone except Iruka sensei, he already does! Wait, you don't know who Iruka is, do you? He's awesome! He was my teacher, and the first person to acknowledge me. And he even buys me ramen! Yeah! I love ramen! It's the best food ever! Today I ate ten bowls of miso ramen, seven bowls of pork ramen, thirteen bowls of beef ramen, and a chopstick by accident. And then stupid Sasuke laughed at me. Stupid idiot, one day I'm gonna be hokage, and I'll demote him back to genin! That'll show him! And he'll be all "Oh Naruto, you are so much better than me, and your hat is pimpin! Please repromote me!" But I'll just laugh at him,. And then me and my pimpin hat will go off and do hokage stuff. So let's see, what else did I do today? Well, I trained with Sakura and Sasuke, grrr. But Sakura is nice to be around, even if she does always yell at me. And then hit me on the head. And moon over Sasuke. What's he got that I don't huh? Well, besides his cool sharingan, I wish I had that. And an army of fangirls, and a dramatically angsty past, and really good looks, and the post of number one rookie. But besides that! And he had bad fashion sense. My outfit is so totally cooler than his. Orange is the new orange! Or something. So anyway, after I finished training, I went to the ramen stand. That really shy quiet girl, Hinata was there. She kept staring at me. She must have been trying to decide what ramen to get, I got a whole bunch of kinds. I should but her some ramen and tell what the best kinds are some time. Maybe she'd teach me some of the cool moves she used in the chuunin exams, before Neji was all stupid and beat her up. Huh, Neji's too arrogant too, I'm gonna demote him too! Yeah! I'll demote everyone and be the only great ninja in the village! BWAHAHAHA! Uh, I mean, ramen? Right, I'm gonna go now. I've got, uh, important ninja training to do and stuff. Yeah. Bye!

Allright, here you go. Chapter one. Review review review! Please? puppy dog eyes


	2. Neji

Well, one of my wonderful reviewers has requested Neji next. So behold! I give you, Neji's journal, stolen at high risk from stuffed under his mattress guarded by two dobermans and a rabid squirrel. But I don't own him or anyone else. I don't own Naruto. If I did, there would be a few more pairings, less annoying Sasuke angst, and more face time for a certain ninja, who you might guess if you read some of my other fics. Shirtless face time, yes. Bwahahaha!

So. Journal. Why am I doing this? Because Gai sensei decided that we needed to "write down your youthful thoughts of youth! Yes! And then we shall harness the power of all your youth to build a giant time machine that spouts rainbows so that everyone will be youthful and happy forever!" Then he fell over. Hnn. So anyway, he has demanded that I write at least a page a day in this thing. Fine, but it's not going to be anything important. Doesn't he know that a journal is the first thing an enemy spy will steal to learn your secrets and weaknesses? I bet this is all that hyperactive orange ramen obsessed kid's fault. He had to go messing with fate and now it's paying us all back with this. Ugh, idiots. Well, I still have nearly this whole page to fill. Fine then, but you're not getting anything important. I woke up today at three to do some early morning training. No one else was awake then, I guess it was too dark for them. It's a good thing I've got my byakugan, dark doesn't matter. At five Tenten came over and we had a sparring match. Tenten's the only one I like to spar with. She's a weapons mistress, and she never misses her target, so she's a pretty good challenge. That and she doesn't bounce around yelling about the power of youth during our matches, and stopping to hug Gai sensei every five seconds. And no spontaneous rainbows, sparkles, or sunsets either. I still have no idea how they manage to do that. After sparring, Tenten went off somewhere or other, and I went off to have lunch. Sadly, fate decided that the Uzumaki kid would be eating at the same place I did. I should have avoided that ramen stand, but it was the only place close by. Ugh, I don't think I can ever eat ramen again after watching him. He just. Doesn't. Stop! It's like watching someone throw food down a bottomless pit. But messier. Luckily, Sasuke came along at that moment and annoyed him somehow, so they started yelling at each other. But then, they got into a ramen eating contest. I nearly had to claw my eyes out. Finally I just left, and decided to take a walk in the forest. I saw Tenten there, but I couldn't tell what she was doing. When I came closer, I saw she was asleep. She's lucky I wasn't an enemy nin, she didn't even wake up when I came close. And she looked, well, pretty when she was asleep. I think I really like Tenten, but I've never told anyone. Wait, did I just write that? What am I doing? Curse you fate, why did you make me write that in pen? I don't care what Gai sensei says, I'm done writing in this thing for now.


	3. Sasuke

Chapter three! Woohoo! Behold, Tis Sasuke. Who I don't own. Did I mention I don't own any of the Naruto stuff? sob One day I shall own them, and rule the world! Yeah! Also Thank you so much to Foreign Geisha for saying you'll try to get more people to come read my stories! You're the best! I would kidnap you to take you to a big party in your honor, but for some reason the police got mad at me last time I tried that. So instead you get the next best thing, a cameo and a free glomping of anyone you want in my epic fic, Escape from Camp yay happy fun extra smiley land! Just leave your choice in the next review. And once again, thanks!

* * *

Well. Kakashi told me we had to keep some sort of stupid journal. Huh. I wonder how this is supposed to help us become ninjas. Kakashi probably just wants us distracted so he can read his "special" novels. So anyway. My name is Uchiha Sasuke, not that it matters to a piece of paper. I like training, makeup oh my gosh, and dressing up in skirts and stuff! I love pink, and I love sugary fluffy wonderfulness, and I especially think Naruto is great! He's such a better ninja than me, he deserves the title of number one rookie! In fact, hey, Naruto, what are you doing? What the, are you writing in my journal again?! Hey! What are you even doing in my house! Get the hell out of here before I sharingan your butt! Yeah! That's what I thought! Hah, my sharingan owns. Except for maybe Neji's byakugan. Grr, I hate him and his byakugan, all smug and superior. Well, one day I'll repopulate the Uchiha clan and have head houses and branch houses and branched branch houses that make him and his puny byakugan look like a joke! Yeah! Of course I'll have to find a girl first. And not one of those annoying fan girls either. Ugh, they're creepy, always staring and following me around, and trying to sneak into my house at night and steal my clothes. I ended up without any shirts one time before I finally started trapping my house. Hey, don't look at me like that, it keeps the fangirls out. How can paper stare at me anyway? Well what do you know? You're just a stupid notebook. I'm not going to listen to you anymore. So anyway, as I was saying, one day I'll repopulate the Uchiha clan and kick the Hyugaa clan's butt! Yeah! Stupid Itachi, had to kill all my family. Hmm, I think I'll make a list of everyone I hate.

Itachi-He freaking killed my entire clan!

Naruto- Stupid hyperactive loser

Fangirls- One word. Creepy.

Evryone- Everyone except me sucks.

Yeah, that's about it. I think I'm tired of writing now, I'm gonna go outside and train. Wait, what's that at my window? Hmmm, it looks like, oh god no! Not the fangirls! Noooooooooooo! Help me!


	4. Sakura

I give to you, the diary of Sakura. Please note that I have risked a mortal overdose of pink and fluffy pompoms merely looking at it, much less transcribing it here for you. Already I have the urge to put bows in my hair and skip along with a basket of flowers. I hope you appreciate this!

* * *

Hi diary! When Kakshi said we had to keep these things, I was so happy! I can finally write in my diary where people can see me and not get made fun of! Of course, I'm not going to ever let him read it. He'll probably be too busy reading his "special" novels anyway. Oh well, at least it'll keep him distracted. So anyway, guess what guess what guess what! Oh my gosh, today, I was walking along, and I saw Sasuke and HE LOOKED AT ME!!!!!! Isn't that the most awesome thing ever? Sasuke is sooooo hot, I wish he would go out with me! I watch him all the time. Sometimes I follow him all around town just to see him! Of course, I have to make sure he doesn't see me, ore pretend I'm just in the same place as him to shop or something. So anyway, last night I sneaked into his house to watch him sleep, because he's so hot when he's sleeping, and while I was there stole his shirt. It's so soft, and it smells like him! I can just feel that Uchiha-y goodness coming out of it. Mmmmm. I named is Sasuke Junior and I sleep with it under my pillow every night! Ino called me a stalker, but you know she's just jealous. I hope it was his only shirt. Then he'll have to come to training without a shirt on! That would be sooo great! I would have an excuse to check him out all day! Hmm, maybe if that works, I can steal his pants next. So anyway, I spent today following Sasuke. First he went to the grocery store, and he bought milk and strawberries. Does that mean he likes strawberries? Is he planning to make a smoothie later? Maybe if I made him one and brought it over, he'd like me? Or maybe he was just buying random stuff to put in his refrigerator? I know I do that a lot. This one time, I was shopping, and I found a potato that looked like Sasuke so I bought it. And then next, he went to the bookstore. And he looked at books. Not like Kakashi's pervy books, they were books on fighting. At least that's easy to figure out, we all know he likes fighting. And then he took his stuff back home and read for a long time, and I watched him read. He reads so much, he must be sooo smart! Maybe I should bring him a book, then he'd like me! And then he'll ask me on a date, and we'll go out, and fall in love, and get married, and have lots of little babies with sharingans! Oh, I hope they're as sexy as their father! Nyeeeee! _Note, the rest of this page was filled with hearts, the words "Sakura + Sasuke forever!" and bad drawings of what is either Sasuke or a kid with a chicken on his head. Please stay tuned for next weeks episode, Gaara's diary!_


	5. Gaara

I want to kill everyone.


	6. Shikamaru

Shikamaru's diary! He's so lazy it's not even a diary, just bits of paper scattered around his room.

* * *

Ugh, having to keep a diary. This is so troublesome. I don't know where the they got such a troublesome idea. Asuma kept going on about revealing our inner selves to learn, but I think he just wants us out of the way so he can go take a nap or something. Frankly that's what I'd rather be doing than writing this troublesome thing. That spazz Naruto woke everyone up at five in the morning by sending all his clones running down the streets screaming that we were about to be attacked. By Mothra. Turned out that idiot had left some Godzilla movie on and fell asleep. I swear, tonight I'm sneaking into his house while he's sleeping and (What, are you expecting NaruShika porn here? Ha, no! This fic is rated T! NaruHina all the way!) making him jump into a lake with my shadow bind technique. Or maybe we could just stick a rock in front of his door, that should keep him occupied all night. Still, it's not as if he's got any good examples to go by I suppose. There's that emo loser Sasuke, he's definitely not gonna teach Naruto anything, except maybe how to be moody and strike poses. Actually, that might make him a little quieter. And that crazy stalker girl Sakura. Ugh, she is the most troublesome person ever. She climbed in through my window last night, and I caught her trying to steal a pair of my pants. Then she said "Sorry, I thought this was Sasuke's house! Do you know which one is his?" I sent her to Choji's house. I hope he eats her. And then there's his pervert teacher Kakashi. I swear, he can not be a good influence. He's always walking around with his nose stuck in one of those "Must be over 16 to purchase" novels. Ugh, between him and Jiraiya I won't be surprised if Naruto grows up to be a pervert. Heh, I bet he's never seen a naked girl before. He won't be able to "believe it!" Hmmm, and speaking oh hot girls let's talk about Ino. Mmm, Ino. Damn she's hot. Of course it's too troublesome to bother flirting with her. I'll just have to think up something to get her to like me instead. That shouldn't be too hard. I don't see why she likes Sasuke. Not that I'm jealous of him of course. Eventually she'll get tired of his whining. This getting too troublesome to write any more. 


	7. Kakashi

Things to do today

1. Buy Milk

2. Train the performing monkeys, I mean team seven!

3. Sneak some pink hair dye into Emo boy's shampoo

4. Buy, ahem special novels.

5. Spend rest of day reading aforementioned novels.

Hah, making those dumb kids spend all their time writing journal entries was the best idea I ever had. Seriously, do they really think it's gonna help them with their ninja skills? Meanwhile it leaves me free to read my favorite series and they still don't have a clue.


	8. Sasuke's bad hair day

Allright, here you go. Sasuke again! And thanks to the person who told me I had accidentally switched Sasuke and Neji's titles. You totally get a cookie.

* * *

Damn it why is my hair pink? I need hair dye RIGHT NOW!!! 

Couldn't find pink hair dye. Have to get to training so I won't be late. Must find hat.

Only hat I could find was a baseball cap. That idiot Naruto snatched it immediately and asked if i was gonna be a sports freak now instead of all emo, I am not emo!, and I had to go through training with pink hair AND hat hair. I looked like some sort of demented flower. Kakashi was snickering the whole time. I bet it was his fault. I must think of some way to get back at him. Maybe I'll steal his mask, or one of his stupid books. After training even though I got home as fast as possible I still think some people saw me. And no matter how many salons I've called, none of them have any black hair dye. Am I going to have to color my hair back with this permanent marker?

Looks like I am.

This marker sure has a strong scent.

Woo, dizzy. Look at the pretty rainbow hippos! Whee! Hey, who needs clothes! I must share my knowledge with the world!


	9. Sakura's best day ever

Today was totally great! Sasuke came to training today in a HAT! He looks so sexy when he's wearing a hat. And also when he's not wearing a hat. So anyway, Naruto stole the hat from Sasuke and underneath it his hair was pink! Just like mine! This must be his subtle way of proclaiming his everlasting love for me! I stole the hat from Naruto when he wasn't looking and added it to my collection of Sasuke stuff. But that's not the best part! Later today, he went running down the street (his hair was black again by then, I wonder how he did that?) without any, um, I mean, he wasn't wearing, he didn't have any, um, nekkid! Yes! Giggle! And I just happened to have my camera with me as I always do in case Sasuke comes along and doesn't notice me so I can take pictures of him...


End file.
